Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
This baby is an asshole
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Randomize
