you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
