somebody snuck up and got me drunk
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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