...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
