hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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