her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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