the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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