why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm always down for nudity.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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