Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
