we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
