If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
