I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
