Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Operation Purity has been aborted
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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