I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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