I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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