I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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