??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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