I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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