So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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