there's paper in my vomit.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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