all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
