if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
