Pants 0. Shit 1.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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