If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
