now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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