Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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