you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
