Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Semen is not good for contacts.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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