Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I show you my penis last night?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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