hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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