Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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