im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
