bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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