I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
