He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize