i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
