Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
id be glad to
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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