Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
