Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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