Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
