My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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