just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
