i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The feeling are messing with the penis
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
