i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
