I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
