New invention idea: vibrating tampons
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
