I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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