If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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