and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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