Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
