The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
