those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
should my penis look like a turkey
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
