Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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