Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
