I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
