What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
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We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
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You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize