I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just invented taco cereal.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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