Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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