Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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