she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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