Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
