does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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