I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
