The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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