he wants to bone in the snuggie
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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