Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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