He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
