whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
