Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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