dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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