Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
