last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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