I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
