i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
