I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
