the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
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We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
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Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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