i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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