for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
