I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
