I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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