We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
