She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
