Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
