You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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